jacqui_grant

What. The. Fuck.

Have I mentioned that parents totally suck? I mean, here I am, having a kick ass busy summer and catching up with people, expecting to have a month to myself cause my parents were in fucking Europe without me.

Turns out I was totally wrong. Idiots decide to cut Europe short - for whatev reason - and come back just to spend time with me. First of all, I'm calling them on their bullshit because they haven't wanted to spend time with me since like, fifth grade. That's when they decided their jobs and traveling were more important than me. So why would they suddenly say they wanted to see me after so long?

Ugh. This totally bites. I don't want to spend time with them, I don't want to be around them, I don't even want to fucking see them. Maybe if I just ignore them they'll go back to Europe. And leave me the hell alone.

Considering the shit that's happened this year? Getting to the end is actually pretty damn good. I mean, prom was totally hot, with a few minor exceptions, the after party just rocked, and I'm gonna fucking graduation soon. Plus? I have the whole summer to spend with some great people. Maybe things are turning out for the better. I think I can deal.

Something is seriously wrong with me.

I mean, spring break in fucking Puerto Rico? Hot guys just crawling around, winking at me and offering me booze? And I don't have sex once? Seriously, I think it's been weeks since I last had a good screw. It's like I just can't find anyone interesting enough to be worth screwing. Maybe it's the drugs. Maybe they're sucking away my sex drive because this totally sucks.

Speaking of sucking, when the hell did I become such a loner? I like, have barely hung out with anyone since I got back from break. Dori prob thinks I've disappeared off the face of the fucking planet, cause I haven't said shit to her in forev. The only people that I've talked to, even briefly, have been Grace and Pete. And that's almost over the course of a couple of weeks. How lame am I? What the hell is going on my head? Am I subconsciously avoiding everyone cause the more people I talk to, the more people find out? That I know someone will eventually push me into talking about the shit that I don't want to?

Fuck this deep thought shit. I need a drink

We totally fucking OWNED at the champs. I mean, with my kick-ass routines and Grace's finale? The other squads didn't have an ounce of a chance. And we have the first cheerleading trophy ever at Stoneybrook High. I mean, there's no way I'll ever be forgotten at this school, with all of our names fucking put on that trophy.

Maybe one thing about my life doesn't suck balls. I can make do with that.

This has probably been the most fucked up week of my entire life. Not only did Erica, Robert, and Logan find out what happened, but I upended a lunch table on my old group and basically threw what connection I had to them away, was suspended from school, and then I kissed someone who happened to be in a relationship. Who's a chick.

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I don't even know why I bother fucking trying some of the time. I mean, I thought that Pete was different from all the other high school boys, that he wouldn't push me aside for someone else, or be like the guys that just want to bone me. I think I ever started liking him a little more than I probably should have. But now...

Now he tossed me aside for Stacey. And what fucking bothers me so much is that she didn't ask me first if it was okay. I mean, I totally would have laughed in her face, but I might have let her do it. But without even asking me is so incredibly damn rude and neither of them seem to realize it. Neither of them seem to have the fucking decency to realize why I'm so pissed off. I am not a person who lets themselves be walked over. Ever.

Why the fuck am I letting it bother me so much? If it was any other guy, I wouldn't give a damn about it. Maybe because I thought I could actually trust him. Trust a high school guy and even go out on pseudo dates with him. I mean, when's the last time I thought that would be possible? I haven't gone on something that even resembled dates since I dated Lane, the fucker. And just when I think it's safe again...I get back-stabbed.

It's not fucking worth it. College guys can probably screw better anyway. I mean, that's all I really care about, isn't it?

Unlike most boring people, I have already started my countdown for New Years. But that's probably just because I'm going to a totally kick-ass party at Stoneybrook U. to party with all the college kids. Just the thought of that many college guys? Totally yum. I am so all for it.

Hopefully the bitches don't abandon me this time like they did at the last party. I mean, that was just totally lame. What the fuck was up with that? I mean, ugh. That just totally killed my buzz. And I refuse to lose my buzz on New Years as I'm scoping out the hottest guy there to kiss at midnight. Might as well start off my year on a good note.

The 'rents were home for Thanksgiving. Big fucking deal. They thought that bringing me back gifts from their "business trip" in France and Italy would appease me. Shit, the gifts are totally hot - all the cheerleaders are gonna be totally jealous when they see the new clothes, jewelry, and perfume that I now own.

But really? As fucking babyish as this sounds, it would be fine if they were around a little more. I mean, they can still be absent when I want to throw some kick ass parties but other then that...I mean, would it kill them to take a fucking break from their jobs for awhile and stay here. Or else take me with them?

Why can't I just forget everything? Stop dreaming about it, stop letting it nag me, just stop. I'm fucking sick of this shit. And I can't believe I'm out of pot again. I totally have to get some soon; it is just what I need after the nightmares. It always calms me down.

It's not supposed to be like this. I'm supposed to be able to brush anything off, like I always have. Everything from my parents leaving me alone while they travel gaily across the world to the bitches at school who are supposably my friends, who would probably abandon me in a heartbeat. I can let all of that just slide past my shoulders and forget about it. So why doesn't that work for these goddamn nightmares?

Whatev. I'm done with it. I'm going to forget about it, just like I forget about every other thing that's hurt or disappointed me in my life. I deal with it and it's done. I don't have the time to try to ponder over them and work them out. Life goes too fast. And I'm not missing out on anything.

This weekend is going to be killer. Sheila and Heath are going with to a litte college party at the U. It's going to hot. Those boys won't know what hit them. All three of us, with our incredible fakes, of course. Gotta love cousins who work at the DMV. Course, I'm sure he only did it because Sheila convinced him too. Hmm...I'll have to thank her for that.

I bought a hot dress for Homecoming. I can't wait to wear it. The boys will be drooling. Not that I care too much. Still, a girl's gotta like the attention. And the dress will definitely catch the attention of more than a few boys. I can't wait.